


Gravity

by SuddenWhispers



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Between episodes 9-10, Character Analysis, Character Study, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-24 09:41:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9715814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuddenWhispers/pseuds/SuddenWhispers
Summary: "It’s like everything I do and everything I am all leads back to him."Set right before the Grand Prix Finals, where we find out how the exhibition skate came to be.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Victuuri Week 2017! Inspired by the song "Gravity" by Vienna Teng. Since it has been made canon by Kubo in an interview that Yuuri's exhibition skate was a product of fooling around on the ice, this is my take on how it happened!

_Gravity_

_\--_

 

It takes more strength than you realize to believe in yourself. But how can anyone possibly believe in me when I can’t even believe in myself? 

On this droll Thursday morning, I lay motionless on the ice. My body is tired from cycles of rising up and falling down and all I want to do is surrender to hopelessness. In the past week, I counted only 5 jumps that I managed to land. How can I win gold, let alone climb the podium in my current state?

“-ri! Yuuri! Are you ok?”

My eyes fly open in response to Victor’s voice alerting me back to reality.

He lets out a sigh of relief, which quickly turns into a playful huff. “What are you doing? If you need to nap, do it at home!”

I manage to roll onto my back, my aching limbs sprawled haphazardly across the ice. “I don’t know if I can do this,” I mutter.

Before long, Victor is sitting beside me, cradling his knees towards his chest. He says nothing, but I know it’s because he’s contemplating long and hard about the best words for the given situation.

I don’t wait for his reassurance. “I have to win gold, but I don’t know if I can.”

“I, for one, think you can.”

“I can’t tell if you’re saying that as my coach or as Victor.”

“Why can’t it be both?”

I cross my arms. “You’ve seen my practices. I can’t even apply your advice to my skating on some days.”

When he doesn’t respond, I cast a glance at his face and am shocked to see how vulnerable he appears, like I’ve stabbed his heart and hurt his pride. Sweat begins to pool at my palms. Crap, I must have said something wrong. Or maybe he thinks I’m upset at him.

“Get off the ice and don’t come back until tomorrow.”

My entire body tenses, taken aback by his command. “Come again?”

“You’re clearly not in the right state of mind to practice.” His matter-of-fact tone has taken over its usual jovial spirit. It pangs my chest to hear.

He notices my expression drop and softens his tone. “Take a break, even if it’s just for a day. It’s taken me over 20 years to do it,” he says regretfully. “Don’t make the same mistake I did.”

Pleading eyes tell me to obey. Part of Victor must want me to appease him for his sake, so I don’t argue and make my way to the edge of the rink.

In the locker room, an uncomfortable silence hangs heavy in the air around us. A million possible things to say race through my mind. When I turn to Victor to finally speak, his eyes are already fixed on me, like he’s been watching me the whole time. The words catch in my throat and I decide to swallow them instead.

As we head outside and into Hasetsu’s winter chill, I hear the low hum of Victor’s voice resonate from behind.

“Why can’t you trust in the people who believe in you?” Victor whispers soft enough that he thinks I can’t hear.

But I do, and those words only worsen my guilt and confidence.

* * *

Later that day, I find myself in in Ice Castle Hasetsu anyway against Victor’s wishes. When I need it most, my body takes me to the ice. I’ve never disobeyed. My mind may be weak and fickle, but my body is always grounded and certain. Going to the rink at times like this is natural, almost second nature. What can I say? Even after almost giving up, I’m forever drawn to the ice. 

My blades hit the ice and the tension of the looming competition lifts from my conscience. For the first time in who knows how long, I feel free.

As I skate around in lazy laps, memories from my days on the ice fade in and out of my mind, some of which I haven’t stopped to think of in a long time. Meeting Yuuko and Nishigori. Learning Victor’s iconized performances. Performing one of Victor’s winning programs.

The aria echoes through my head, a song full of both softness and yearning. I’m reminded of Victor once again and how captivating his moves were at last year’s Grand Prix. How all I’ve wanted was to be able to convey the same feelings in a performance.

Then my body shifts on its own, following the flow of the music in my mind. It’s been several months, but the memory of the program remains in every part of me and I allow myself to dance without fear of failure. In this moment alone, the dance is for me.

Dancing to the aria is like visiting an old friend, like I’m reclaiming my roots. I cradle the thought that I’ll improve if I just take a step back.

Without warning, I’m jostled out of my trance by the sound of a single-man applause from the stands. I turn my attention to where Victor stands with a blithe smile that makes me quiver in a cross between guilt and anticipation. Behind that smile, I can’t tell if he’s genuine or upset. Even until now, I’m still learning how to read his gestures.

His clapping comes to a gradual halt. “Yuuri, that was amazing! It would be nice if you could perform like that during practice.”

I wince. He’s mad.

“So?” His gentle voice hides behind a dark expression. “Why are you back here so early?”

“I’m sor-“

“It’s fine, Yuuri.” He says as he descends from the stands while I meet him at the edge of the rink. “I already know.”

At first I’m not sure if we’re on the same page, but once he shows me his silly grin, I know he’s no longer mad. That’s all that matters.

“It’s our love song, isn’t it?” His voice trails and his eyes grow distant in recollection.

Hearing the words out loud brings a smile to my face. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

We listen in a united appreciation to the remainder of the song. Instinctively, I begin to speak. “I’ve always wondered how you felt when you performed. I wondered about the things that moved you or inspired you.”

I wanted to emulate everything about the man who never failed to surprise me. But the most surprising thing is that the emptiness he felt fueled his movements, transforming into a search for himself.

“You inspire me,” he says.

Heat rushes to my cheeks. That’s Victor for you, always catching me off guard.

He takes my hand, raising it with delicacy to his lips. “Dance with me.”

* * *

 Ice dancing is an entirely different world, one that I never thought to have explored. Most of my time in the rink was spent alone. There, I would be responsible for my blunders and mistakes. But with partners, you’re required to depend on and trust another. With partners, your dreams, fears and failures alike must be shared.

Despite my unsteady lifts and subpar spins, I pick up Victor’s cues with surprising ease.

“It’s kind of relaxing, like I could perform this with my eyes closed, “I make the mistake of saying. I regret opening my mouth almost instantaneously.

The next thing Victor does is so surprising that I shouldn’t have even been surprised. He pulls out his handkerchief, a black bandana that he keeps wrapped around his wrist, and holds it out for me to take. “You seem confident. Why not try?”

Of course my words would turn against me.

I want to deny his gesture, tell him it was only a joke and that there was no substance behind my exclamation. But he waits, flashing an expecting smile when I look to his face for any sign of jest.

I want to deny my own words, but a part of me wants to believe in them instead. So I nod and take the offering, trading in my glasses for the bandana.

The bandana fits snugly over my eyes and I’m comforted with the fact that I can still see some light reflecting off the ice and filtering through the cloth. It smells of morning earth and the warmth from his wrist still emanates.

Victor takes me by the hand and leads me to the center of the rink. When he lets go and I’m left alone on the ice, an odd feeling grows in the pit of my stomach, as if I were a child watching my mother leave me on the first day of school. I hate myself for feeling this way. Obviously, Victor will return to the ice. But when you can’t even see what’s directly in front of your eyes, you have no choice but to trust that things will turn out for the better.

Music begins to echo through the high ceilings but I can’t bring myself to move. A paralyzing fear anchors my legs. What if I hurt myself? What if I hurt Victor?

I want to call it off when I’m suddenly greeted by the presence of another hand in my own, confident and reassuring. It tugs, beckoning me towards movement. My grip tightens. I begin to move again.

I feel the shadows dance over my skin and in the corners of my limited vision. Warmth radiates from hands that hold me and guide me over frigid ice. With enough speed, they lead me into a spin and meet at the end to catch me.

It’s not until later that I realize that I’m laughing like I’m twelve. I’m pleasantly surprised at how much fun I’m having. In the care of his hands, I don’t glide – I fly.

My skating shows no hesitation now, with knowledge that no matter where the ice leads me, I can fall onto Victor’s support.

A sheepish grin inches across my face. It’s like everything I do and everything I am all leads back to him.

When the music fades into ending, I slide the bandana down and let it hang around my neck. My eyes squint, adjusting to the angled afternoon sunlight flooding in from the western windows. Even afterwards, Victor’s hands remain in mine.

He squeezes my hand and smiles triumphantly. “I knew you could do it!”

“That’s because I knew you were supporting me,” I say. “Just knowing that you’re close…I feel like I could do anything.”

“Well, I’m glad you finally trust me.”

When have I not placed my trust in Victor? I want to ask, but then it hits me why Victor has been acting strange since this morning.

I can’t believe how insensitive I was to him earlier. Victor has done nothing but believe in me and my skating, yet here I am, taking all of his feelings and efforts for granted. I’m a horrible person.

But there’s one way I can fix this.

I take a deep breath. “I’m sorry for all the times I didn’t have faith.” There is no reluctance, no uncertainty in my words now. “I’m confident that I can prove myself capable of everything you’ve taught me. Your belief in me won’t go to waste.”

He nods his head in understanding. “It’s all I could ever ask for.”

I unravel the bandana from my neck and hold it out to Victor. “I trust you to lead me when I can’t see my own worth. Can you trust me to do the same for you?”

Here on the ice, our dreams are a shared encounter where we’ve learned how to trust and love. We’ve been in this together far longer than anyone could have imagined. I can only hope that it stays this way forever.

His eyes dart from the bandana to my face where he meets my gaze. I know there’s not much for someone like me to give him, but it’s the only consolation I have to offer. Does someone like him even need guidance?

Without another moment’s hesitation, he takes the bandana and ties it over his eyes.

“I’ll follow wherever you may lead me,” he says.

**Author's Note:**

> I know for a fact that contemporary dancers will use blindfolds and props, but hopefully it can apply to skating as well! I really don't know XD


End file.
